Dear Mom and Dad,
This is what happiness looks like. Sorry you were so miserable in your own lives that you couldn’t allow me a chance at my own. I went out and found it anyway. I miss you, and will miss you even more this holiday season since you won’t allow me to come back home unless I have a woman on my arm. Oh by the way, we’ll still be using the family recipe for the stuffing, I’m sure it’ll be a hit with our friends.
Your son, his boyfriend, and our spoiled cat
this deserves a million notes omfg
HEY HEY HEY HEYYYYYYYY MY FAVORITE QUEER DRUNK ASSHOLE POET TURNED 450 TODAY (and let me tell you, there is a lot of competition for the title “favorite queer drunk asshole poet”)
BUT as we all know, there is some controversy over who ACTUALLY wrote shakespeare’s plays!
so in order to mark this SERIOUS and LEGITIMATE issue, i have compiled the most likely theories in this comprehensive list:
- in julius caesar, cassius says, “this is my birthday; on this very day cassius was born.” on that same day, cassius DIES. guess who else was not only born on april 23, but died april 23?? that’s right, shakespeare. english playwright? or ancient roman ghost bent on revenge? YOU BE THE JUDGE.
- shakespeare married a woman called anne hathaway. BATMAN ALSO MARRIED ANNE HATHAWAY. have you ever seen shakespeare and batman in the same place at the same time??????
- lived in london? totally encountered prostitutes several times? probably spoke english? william shakespeare……. or JACK THE RIPPER
- uh, excuse me, an uneducated glovemaker’s son couldn’t possibly have written the 38 works of art attributed to shakespeare. please consider instead this picture of a cat pushing another cat in a shopping cart. you’re welcome.
- ””“”“”“”“”“president obama????”“”“”“”“” more like PRESIDENT WILLIAMSHAKESPOBAMA. wake UP, america
- ME I’M WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE I HAVE BEEN SHAKESPEARE ALL ALONG AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU FOOLS YOU IGNORANT FOOLS